Imagine opening your eyes in the morning and being so upset because you know you have to live your life for another day.
Imagine knowing you have to get out of bed but your feet feel so heavy and your body feels so numb and no matter how hard you try you just can’t seem to move.
Imagine not showering for days because it just isn’t worth trying to muster the energy and it’s okay if you’re dirty and you stink because everything in your life is a mess anyway.
Imagine looking in the mirror and feeling sick because what the hell is looking back at me and why do I look like this while he/she gets to look like that?
Imagine everyone shouting and telling you to hurry up and get ready and stop taking so long but you physically can’t because everything is so hard and you can’t move quickly and you don’t even want to be alive so why should you even be getting dressed?
Imagine your heart pounding every time you walk out the door because what if someone looks at you and what if they think badly of you or what if they laugh at you because you’re ugly or you’re fat or your nose is too big or your hair doesn’t look good or your dress sense isn’t great.
Imagine seeing everyone else being able to wear that amazing outfit but you can’t because your stomach is bigger than theirs and society says people with bodies like yours shouldn’t be seen and you’re ugly and not up to standards so you need to wear dark and baggy clothes so we can’t see you because people like you shouldn’t be seen.
Imagine everyone telling you that you have all the potential in the world and you’re so smart and you can be anything you want to be but you don’t want to do all those things and get those good grades and the amazing career because the most important thing to you right now is being happy and you don’t even know how to do that so how can you do anything else but then everyone accuses you of wasting your potential and they stop bothering with you because you’re not worth their energy.
Imagine being able to sing or dance or be a great artist or be really good at a sport or have this amazing gift but no one knows because nobody has a great opinion of you anyway so they’ll probably just tell you you’re not as good as you think you are or they’ll laugh at you so maybe it’ll be safer to keep it to yourself for the rest of your life instead of making a career out of it because no one would pay for your gifts anyway.
Imagine not being able to financially support yourself because you find it so hard to even brush your teeth let alone earn a living and you can’t even ask anyone to help you because everyone just thinks you’re lazy and stupid because you can’t even keep a job and why should they lend you money when you don’t deserve it because you don’t work as hard as they do.
Imagine your heart thumping so fast out of nowhere when you’re in public and you know you’re having a panic attack but you don’t know what to do or how to stop it so you get more stressed which makes it harder to breathe and then you get scared that you can’t breathe so you start crying which makes it even harder to breathe so you just run away and hide somewhere and just sit there holding yourself until you finally manage to calm down.
Imagine that happening to you at work and that’s why you keep losing your jobs because everyone just thinks you’re not capable and they’d rather replace you with someone who’s happier than you instead of getting you help so that you can become happier.
Imagine crying for no reason and not understanding why but all you know is you’re so unhappy so crying is the only thing that makes sense.
Imagine not being able to tell the world that you’re not okay because the last time someone did that everyone called them attention seeking and negative and told them to stop complaining because other people have worse problems than them and they have no right to complain and you don’t want that to happen to you.
Imagine holding a blade to your wrist and pressing it deep into your skin until you see blood seeping through and dripping down your skin because the pain of doing that relieves you from the pain of everything else and to be honest it feels a little liberating and the feeling of your body going numb when you do that is the calmest you’ve ever felt so you keep hurting yourself just so you can feel better.
Imagine just wanting to shut off from the world and run away because everything is so overwhelming but your friends and family just think you’re being an immature idiot and decide not to speak to you until you sort out your behaviour because you don’t deserve their company right now but you actually really need them because you shouldn’t be alone in this state but you need to be because no one understands you so you’re better off alone.
Imagine hating everything about yourself and that’s actually why you’re so unhappy because you are the one person you can’t ever get away from and it frustrates you so much because all you want is to not be you but it’s impossible and that just means there’s no hope because what the hell can you do to like all these disgusting things about yourself that no one else seems to like, so why should you?
Imagine just wanting to be understood but you don’t know what to do to make people understand you and you find it so hard to talk to people and try to explain because everyone thinks you talk rubbish anyway so what’s the point in even trying because they’ll just think you’re exaggerating like the drama queen/king they always say you are.
Imagine thinking that no matter how hard you try you just can’t seem to be happy so what the hell is the point in living so unhappy for 80 odd years so it’s just better to save yourself a lifetime of pain and end it now.
Imagine standing on the top of the building over the ledge, or holding those pills to your mouth, or putting your neck in that rope, or getting ready to dunk your head under that water, or standing on the platform ready to jump in front of that moving train and you’re crying your eyes out because there’s so many people in this world that you love but you just can’t face another day and they’ll probably forget you soon because you don’t add much value to their lives anyway so you stop crying and you step over that ledge and you swallow those pills and you tighten the rope and drop and you keep your head under the water until the air in your body runs out and you jump in front of that train and end everything and you’ve finally got what you wanted.
Imagine you’ll never experience that pain again but the people you think don’t really care actually do, they just didn’t realise you were in that much pain because no one really talks about mental health and they don’t have enough knowledge to recognise the signs you were showing and the problems you were having but they’ll never smile again now because their only wish is to have you back so they can help you be happy but they know it’s too late.
Imagine if speaking about mental health was more common and your family, your friends, your employers and even the random people on the street knew how to look deeper or you knew how to communicate your feelings because you were taught about mental health in school and then maybe just maybe none of this would’ve happened and you actually would’ve been able to live a happy life.
Imagine losing everything just because we care too much about what other people think and not enough about letting people just be happy without passing judgement. Imagine if we accepted people for the way they are and didn’t laugh at them or take the mick out of them.
Imagine if when someone does something bad we ask them if they’re okay instead of making them feel worthless and shunning them away.
Imagine being able to have a customised plan for yourself at work to ensure you can do your job without feeling overwhelmed and knowing there’s help when you need it because the company has sufficient plans to ensure people with mental health problems can still provide for themselves.
Imagine putting our phones down and actually speaking to our family and friends in person and asking them questions about themselves and finding out about the things that make them happy so we can do those things together and create stronger relationships.
Imagine being able to tell people that something bad happened to you because we’re all human and the one thing that connects us the most is pain and we can actually use that to support each other instead of passing judgement and that way it will be easier to get through traumas instead of having it impact the rest of your life.
Imagine doctors creating plans that allow us to dig deep into our minds and work on the issues from the root and be able to go to sponsored meditation or therapy classes instead of being prescribed pills that only offer a temporary solution.
Imagine being able to love yourself for the way you are because the only standards society sets is staying true to who you are and that you’re perfect the way you’ve been created.
Imagine knowing that no matter what happens in life, everything will be okay.
Imagine being happy. Genuinely happy.