I feel anxious.
I feel confused.
My heart is racing.
Nothing bad happened.
No one triggered me.
This is so random.
This hasn’t happened to me for such a long time.
It totally threw me off. I don’t get panic attacks anymore because I can manage my Mental Health now and I have been able to do so healthily for so long. These confused thoughts were not helping me, my heart was still racing. I had to stop.
This was my thought process: “If I focus on the things that are out of my control it will not do me any good. I need to focus on what I can control. What can’t I control? The fact I am having a panic attack because it has already begun. What can I control? My response to the feelings I am experiencing and how I will work through these feelings in the healthiest way possible.”
I put meditation sounds on to block the external sounds in my environment. I closed my eyes and put my hand on my heart and started taking deep breaths. I acknowledged how I was feeling and I spoke to myself out loud..
“I feel anxious, my heart is racing, I am confused, but it’s okay. It is okay to feel how I’m feeling. I accept it and I embrace it. These are emotions, but these are temporary emotions, they will not last. These feelings shall pass and I will be okay. I will be okay. I am okay. I am going to be okay. I am healthy, in mind, body and soul. I am whole. I am safe. I am always looked after. I will be okay. I am safe. I will be okay. I am safe. I am safe. I am safe.”
I focused back on my breathing.. it was calmer.
I brought my awareness to my breath, the way it felt on my nostrils as I inhaled and the way it felt against my lips as I exhaled. I continued to do so.. my breathing became calmer.
I opened my eyes and looked out of the window. I fixated on the tree outside and watched how the leaves moved along with the wind. I kept my awareness on that.. my breathing became calmer.
It started to rain. I watched the raindrops as they fell on to the window and I brought my awareness on to that.. my breathing became calmer.
A butterfly came past my window and I thought “well isn’t this turning out to be a bloody cliche?” but it didn’t stay long enough to be relevant in this so I just chuckled to myself.. my breathing was calmer.
I realised that my breathing had become calmer. I smiled, the feelings had passed, just like I said they would.. I was calm.
I kept the earphones in my ears and felt encouraged to write this, so as I am typing this out, I still have those sounds in my ears and the smile on my face. I think I’ll keep the sounds on for at least 10 minutes and then get back to my work, or I might let it play on, I’ll see.
So often I’ve said that I wanted to share more of the real side to Mental Health with you, and that I wanted to share more of my real-life trials to give you more of an insight, but I hardly ever seem to have those anymore because of my progress so I always find myself digging into stories from the past. Maybe this was supposed to happen so I could share something raw and fresh with you. I feel like it would have more of an impact.
(Perspective: I am grateful for this experience. It happened for a reason).
I am a Mental Health Support Coach, not because I’ve spent years with my head in a book, but because I have lived through it. I’ve lived through it unhealthily, and I now live through it healthily. I teach what I’ve already tested, and the things I have not experienced? I am still studying my backside off so I can do you justice in all areas.
This is me, 23/09/2020 at 12:53pm, at least over half a year since my last panic attack, with a successfully growing career in supporting people maintain positive Mental Health, because I’ve done it for myself and I continue to do it for myself even now.
Mental Health isn’t a short story for a chapter of your life, it IS your life because it is your mind. Just like your physical health is there forever because you always have your body. It will always be there. We just have to teach ourselves how to use it as our power, rather than allow it to become our pain.
Disclaimer: I am not belittling the importance of study; I am simply stating why I do what I do. In fact, I am also currently studying to enhance my knowledge, so I am and will always be in favour of education combined with life experience.
Sending infinite love your way. xx