Think about a time when someone hurt you. When your trust was broken, or you were disrespected, abused, lied to, hurt or let down in some way.
Are you thinking of something? Okay. Now do you remember how it made you feel? Do you remember the negative emotions that just took over your whole self? Do you remember the anger you felt, the hurt you felt, the sadness, the confusion, the hatred, maybe even the need for revenge?
I know I can definitely remember a few incidents where I was overwhelmed with bitterness, anger and passionate hatred towards the person/people who did me wrong. I also remember how consumed I was with all those toxic emotions and how fixated I was on that person getting their karma. I stopped myself from moving on because all I could think about was why me? It’s not fair. How can they do that to me and then go and live their life happily with no care in the world while I’m just sitting here suffering from the after-effects of their actions? How is that justice?
Sometimes I would even try to take justice into my own hands and get my own revenge of some sort. Forgiveness? Give me a break! I won’t forgive them for as long as I live. They don’t deserve my forgiveness.
How toxic was my mind becoming? Hah. A hell of a lot.
To me all these people were bad people who didn’t deserve to be happy in life, and if it looked like they were happy it would cause me so much pain.
Some years ago one of my friends told me that I was a “vengeful bitch”. I was a bit offended at first but I eventually saw the truth in what he said. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of you out there that also fall within that category. If someone hurts you in some way you just want them to be hurt in the same way or worse.
All of this definitely played a big part in the decline of my health, be it mental or physical, because when you’re so consumed with negative energy it literally will overwhelm you and drain you of your happiness.
Today I am the complete opposite. Today the woman I am just operates from peace. There is no one in this world who has done me wrong that I have not forgiven, and there is no one in this world who has hurt me that I wish bad upon or harbour any negative feelings towards. Now I’ve been hurt a lot in my life, so how did I go from being that toxic victim out for revenge, to being this content being that I am today?
One line. One phrase that I came across that shifted the way I thought forever..
‘HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE.’
Huh? What? What’s that supposed to mean?
Did you know that when someone hurts you it has absolutely nothing to do with you? Did you know that the actions of someone else is a projection of their own pain and insecurities? Did you know that anyone who causes harm to another person actually needs help and not punishment?
Think about it. No one is born bad. No one is born and immediately wants to harm someone else. It all develops as a result of circumstances and events that take place in a persons life.
That person who sexually abused who? Chances are they were abused at some point in their life and they have not yet healed. That person who lied to you? They probably have extreme anxiety as a result of someone punishing them for being honest at some point so now they’re scared to tell the truth. That person who cheated on you? Maybe they have such low self worth and believe they don’t deserve happiness so they subconsciously self-sabotage any good that comes their way. I could keep listing examples for you but I’m not going to. I just want to heighten your awareness and get you thinking by yourself.
That one line healed me. That one line got me thinking about every trauma I’ve experienced and what the person behind the trauma must’ve been going through to have been able to cause that much harm to another person. Guess what happened after that? I finally found it in my heart to forgive. Guess what happened as a result of that? My body felt lighter, my mind felt lighter, I started to feel happier because I was no longer harbouring such toxic energy in my body. Then guess what happened? No matter what happened in my life from then on, my happiness was not impacted whatsoever. There was no hurt, there was no pain, I always remained content and happy because I had created that permanent state for myself.
You see, what I want you to realise is that hurt people don’t know how to treat people with love, kindness and compassion. Broken people don’t know how to give you the respect you deserve. But also if you’ve just managed to break away from someone who’s hurt you, you need to take the time out to heal so you don’t then become the person who hurt you in the first place. You will have traumas that need to be dealt with otherwise you will project all of your pain on to someone else the same way it was done to you.
This isn’t just about romantic relationships, family relationships and friendships are also exactly the same. Your friends who envy you or talk bad about you aren’t bad people, they’re just so insecure about their own current state that seeing you grow out of where they still are burns on them. Forgive them, distance them, and move on happily.
Well what about people who commit serious crimes?
It’s exactly the same. I’m not saying that people should be let off murder, rape, pedophilia etc, but when they’re being locked away to protect society they should also receive psychological help to heal them from the traumas that led them to doing the things that they did so their need to do these things is no more.
The actions of a human being are a result of their experiences in life. Next time you see someone do something you deem as bad, or when someone does something bad to you, stop before you judge or criticise or even before you make it all about you. Think why that person did what they did, or what happened to them to make them behave in the manner they have. Feel empathy for that person.
Don’t keep them in your life. HELL NO. You need to remove yourself from the situation to protect yourself but maybe direct them down the right path so they can get the help that they need, or depending on the severity of the situation even take them to get the support and then lovingly exit out of their life.
Just know that it’s not your responsibility to fix people but as a human being you should acknowledge other people’s pain and understand that when someone hurts you it has absolutely NOTHING to do with you at all and it is all about THEM. What IS your responsibility however is making sure you don’t expose yourself to receiving that hurt, it’s your responsibility to work on yourself and to build up your self worth so that hurt people can’t find their way into your life and so that you don’t turn into them either.
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